My hope is in the Lord.

I am starting today on my journey of giving up facebook for an entire month. My reason being that I truly believe that God has been trying to speak to me in quietness and trust but I have been distracted with worldly things, such as facebook, that distract me from the voice of God. God tells us in Isaiah 30:15 that "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength."

For the past few weeks I have not been feeling myself; like something was missing. I had been reading God's word and for some reason have not been believing it for myself at all. I found myself one day in my room just crying out to God that he would change my desires to HIS. It was in that moment I realized that the one thing that was hindering me from receiving the joy and satisfaction of my father was my own selfishness. I had been looking out for my own needs instead of the needs of others; I had undoubtedly come to a place in my relationship with Jesus that I was trying to obtain the things that I wanted instead of ultimately asking God for what his desires for my life are. I realize that Jesus is calling me to a new place in my relationship with him; to become a servant of his who throws of all of my sin and anything that is hindering me in becoming more like him. God gave me this verse and it hit me...

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off EVERYTHING that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked our for us. Let us FIX OUR EYES ON JESUS, the author and perfecter of our FAITH, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that YOU will NOT grow weary and lose heart!" Hebrews 12:1-3

It is through this verse that makes me think about how much sin entangles us into believing lies from the enemy. BUT Jesus is the TRUTH, the WAY, and the LIFE. When we surrender our selfishness or anything that is hindering us from following JESUS wholeheartedly, there is SO MUCH FREEDOM. THERE IS FREEDOM IN SURRENDER, and I know it because he just did it in my life. Jesus continues to call us into a deeper relationship with him that involves surrender, TRUST, and FAITH. He is the author and perfecter of our FAITH.. While trusting in HIM, we believe that he gives us HOPE and a future, plans to prosper, not to harm us. (Jeremiah 29:11) ...And this HOPE is worth LIVING and waiting for. To look at the life of JESUS, and how throughout his life knew that he would pay the price of all humanity for all of our sin, that makes me fall to my knees in repentance, and all I can cry out to God and say is THANK YOU. Thank you JESUS for loving me that much that you gave your life for me on the cross, with all the shame I so easily want to hide from you.

JESUS is worth living for. Think about it, after everything we have done wrong, screwed up, or gone in the wrong direction, JESUS still died for us that we may have HOPe for the life yet to come.. to spend eternity with the one who created us. There isn't anything better than that. When I feel as though I can't make it, i look to JESUS, the author and perfecter of my faith, who died for me so that I may live for him.

This month is solely based on renewing my mind back to what JESUS is calling me to do. Believing in Luke 24:45 that JESUS will open up my mind to BELIEVE his word and to put that into action.

Jesus, you are my FOREVER love

I have to tell you that I am underserving but God is so good and has blessed me so much in just the last month of my life. I am beginning a journey of thankfulness. I have become a person who is humbled at the very thought of my Lord Jesus Christ and with everyone I meet everyday. I have come to know a love that cannot be explained. I have come to terms with the fact that God can take whatever he wants from my life and I myself have to be obedient and trust in him on this journey. He takes my hand and he leads me, I just have to follow and trust in him.

I have met a group of amazing girls in the last 6 months of my life that I know are my true sisters. These girls are girls that I feel like I have known forever, and could talk to them like I would my own family. It so amazing to me that God has blessed me with such a diverse group of girls that come together and pour their hearts out to each other without hesitation. I am amazed at how God works; he never ceases to amaze me every SINGLE day. These girls are a blessing in my life! They make my life more complete and I am so thankful for every single one of them!

Lately, my mind has been on relationships. What are relationships? Why are we in such a hurry to be loved? Don't we already know the only true love? God has truly been tugging at my heart lately about this very fact of what a relationship actually is. God has truly opened my eyes to help me see what true love is by expressing his love towards me and blessing me beyond anything I've ever imagined. I've learned how to love by being in a relationship with God. I did not know the true meaning of love until the love of Jesus Christ entered my heart. It is the very thought of knowing true love by our Savior that helps us realize what love truly is and what relationships are supposed to be about.

The two words that come to mind when I think about being in a realtionship, would be expressed by three simple words.. my best friend. By having God at the center of the relationship and not holding anything back. It's about wanting the very best for that person, being the one that you can always talk to when you need it the most, and it's about being a companion. By being a companion, you are walking alongside that person encouraging them in everything they decide to do. It should not be forced, it shouldn't be thought of as a chore, and it shouldn't be something that you take for granted. "Love is patient, love is kind. IT does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. IT always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love NEVER fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 That's what love is.

I am beginning to realize that my time has not come yet. Until then, Brooke Fraser says "..and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,neither should I rush my way into your heart." So, I have come to realize that the reason that endings have happened in my life, is because they were never the beginning. I have learned to be patient, wait for the right time, and serve my Lord Jesus Christ with all the love I have to give. For now, I have slowed the pace of my life down, I have taken a step back, and I'm patiently waiting.

As for me and God, where do I even begin? I am in love with my Savior. I have never known a love so strong. Although I can not see him, my heart knows him well. God's grace and mercy has been so apparent in my life. I can't explain my heart's desire, but God's love fills me up. When I'm weak, he makes me strong; When I feel like I've had enough, God gives me strength and perseverance; When my faith has gone, God blesses me and brings me back to him; Praise be to God! My relationship with God is growing every single day. His glory is bigger than anything we have ever known. Let's not forget who God is on a daily basis; our God is a God who makes anything possible!

"I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2

"I was not born to be free. I was born to adore and to obey." __C.S. Lewis

Experiencing God's amazing glory.

A lot has been going on lately, with school, hanging out with friends, and starting an awesome bible study. Last night, we went out to dinner with the girls that are going to be apart of the bible study this semester. A few girls that are in the bible study were not able to come, but the girls that did come, it was awesome. I can't tell you how much I love having a group of girls I can depend on, being sisters in Christ, lifting each other up.
My life seems alittle crazy right now and i can't seem to understand many of the things that happen in my life. But the crazy thing about not being in control of your life and the things that you have to experience, especially having your heart broken, is that you feel so close to God through these times, more than any other time. Jesus' light shines most brightly through believers who TRUST him in the DARKNESS. Jesus is less interested in right circumstances than in right responses to whatever comes our way. God's love and faithfulness shines so much brighter through the tough times, through the heartbreak, when you are relying so much on God, that you are holding fast to the promises God has laid out for us. I am so much closer to God than I have ever been in my life, trusting in the promises has made me stronger and God has been SO FAITHFUL, SO GLORIOUS, SO LOVING, and he never lets you down. I have truly seen God work in my life this week, not that I haven't before, but it so awesome to experience God's love. Our God is the God who provides!

Finding out who you are in Christ: Taking the Mask off :)

I am so excited about this semester because we are starting a bible study with a group of girls who are just absolutely amazing. It's about finding out who we are in Christ. This is very inspiring for me, because it's something that I think a lot of girls our age struggle with. This is going to be such an awesome semester! I can't wait to get closer with this group of girls and talk about Jesus for a couple of hours together one night a week :) I love all you girls, and I think you all are just awesome!!

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing! :)

Realization

Traveling back home today, I realize how much I miss my family. I love columbia and all of my friends, but my family seems so far away(even though it's only an hour away). Going away to school I have realized how much I took my family for granted sometimes. I value each and every time I spend with my family, they are the most wonderful people in my life. I always know that I have a strong place to fall back on when things get tough and when I need the very best advice. My litte cousin Sam just turned 9 today, how quickly does time pass us by?! It seems just like yesterday that he was born! I remember holding him in my arms and now he is such a grown up little boy! I've also converted him to a USC fan! I'm so excited!! He has as much school spirit as I do, which I absolutely love :) He will be the next basketball player at Carolina, well in about 10 years or so.. :) My cousins are amazing and I'm so thankful that I can be a positive role model for them, and show them the most important things in life! God has truly blessed me with a family that has taught me so much about life and love.

On another note, today's service in sunday school and church was exactly what I posted last night in my blog. So amazing how God works to help us see the answer to our prayers. In Sunday School we talked about drawing near to God. "..let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water." Hebrews 10:22 As it says in scripture, this is ALL past tense. He SprinklED our hearts from an evil conscience and our bodies were washED with pure water. With that being said, why do we hold on to past guilt or shame? What I learned today was that I need to embrace what I already have from God the Father.

FREEDOM IS HERE :)

I struggle with a lot of things, and one of the things I struggle with the most and have been a lot lately is being content with my past. I am a lot different now than the person I used to be, and to look back on that, really hurts sometimes. God always knows when I really struggle with this and I listened to a song just a minute ago about hope and it was so inspiring for me. I have never truly listened to this particular song like I just did. I've always loved the song, but something really awakened in my soul when I listened to it.
This song is called "Hope Now" by Addison Road. Through this song I'm reminded that God provides hope for everyone. When you choose to follow Jesus, his strength provides everything you need to face the trials of life, or any guilt you may feel about who you once were. He erases it all and says that all sins have been cast as far as the east is from the west. So why do I worry? Why do I think I'm not good enough? God thought I was good enough to fufill his purpose for HIS glory, So why can't that be good enough.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:12-14

I quickly forget that EVERYTHING in life comes down to love and in the everyday routine, I call out God's name, and this peace transcends over me. How quickly I forget I'm God's child, I'm made in his image, FOR HIS GLORY. What am I so afraid of? When the world breaks me down, God's love sets me free, his word brings peace to my heart. When I go through these thoughts of not being good enough, God always says "It will be okay, I'm your shelter from the storms of this life. Learn to trust in me, and you will be okay." My whole life rides on hope and faith in God. How quickly the day to day struggles make us forget how wonderful God's glory is. Where we are going, does not even compare to what we are going through now.